FOR WOMEN

He's not perfect.

You aren't either.

And the two of you will never be perfect.

But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can.

He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment...

 but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break.

Don't hurt him, don't change him.

 And don't expect more than he can give.

Don't analyze.

Smile when he makes you happy, yell when makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there.

Love hard when there is love to be had.

Because perfect guys don't exist, but there's always one guys that is perfect for you.

-BOB MARLEY-

Me plus you

Setelah di cermati dan di renungkan dalam-dalam, gue baru sadar… ternyata gue dan dia sungguh unik. Bukan, bukan dilihat dari fisik kami yang unik karena muka gue tidak penyok-penyok. Hanya mengingatkan, gue masih cantik seperti dulu. Dan dia juga tidak botak seperti bubu atau bermuka unik seperti tukul. Dia tampan. Tapi unik disini maksudnya adalah unik sifat. Ya, kami memang sangat unik. Pasalnya disini yang lebih banyak omong justru malah dia, pacar gue. Dia lebih cerewet dan senang sekali ngobrol dibandingkan gue yang cenderung lebih sering menjadi pendengar. Sekalinya dia cerita, bakalan panjang nyambung-nyambung kemana tau sampe lupa waktu. Biasanya kan tahu sendiri, cewek dimana-mana lebih cerewet dan yang cool itu cowoknya. Tapi untuk kasus yang satu ini jelas berbeda.

Mungkin gue lebih ke ‘manja’nya kali ya. Gue suka banget nyubit-nyubitin pipi dia, narik-narik idungnya, dan terkadang mepet-mepetin badan ke sweaternya yang wangi itu. Gajelas maksudnya apa, tapi gue sering lho ngelakuin itu kalo dia merhatiin gue dengan tatapan dalem. Kan maluuuuu cooooooy diliatin pacar lama-lama kaya gitu, guenya bisa sampe melting (ahaha najong yee?) Tapi gak munafik sih gue.

Dan disini yang lebih kayak anak kecil adalah gue. Dia itu walaupun cerewet tapi dewasanya masih di perhatikan dengan baik. Lucu deh pokoknya di balik tampangnya yang cool dan pendiem itu, siapa sangka ternyata dia sebenernya banyak omong dan rame. Gak heran kalo dia sering di cari-cariin temen-temennya buat diajak nongkrong, katanya sih kalo gak ada dia gak rame gitu.

Pokoknya dia itu sosok yang dapat membawa ion-ion penyemangat baru buat gue. Dia juga yang selalu cerewet buat ingetin gue makan, dia juga yang nasehatin gue dengan kata-kata bijaknya ketika gue sedang kesal dan bete sama nyokap (dia paling gasuka kalo gue jelek-jelekin nyokap dengan kata kasar, karena dia sendiri cukup dekat dengan ibunya). Ya, semoga gue dan dia bisa langgeng dan baik-baik aja. Soalnya gue udah terlanjur sayang sama dia sih hihi :p      

I WISH THAT I HAD....

I wish that i had never met you, then there would be no need to impress you, no need to want you, no need for loving you, no need for crying over you, no need for heartbreaks, no need for pain or tears, no need for forgotten promises, no need for rejected hugs, no need for crying myself to sleep, no need for acting like you care, no need...for everything you've done to make me feel like absolutely nothing.

But then again, i'm glad i did meet you. Cause you were the one who always asked me if anything was wrong. You were to one who loved me for me. The one who cared when everyone else didn't. The one who listened. The one who stayed up late just to talk about randomest shit ever. You were the one who i told secrets. The one who taught me a new things. The one who laughed at my bad jokes. The one who did things, just for me.

YOU

Errgh ya i'm in the bad feelings right now. There's something wrong with my mind since yesterday, hmm how to explain it? I don't even know, it's very complicated, but obviously i missed someone out there. Ya, i'm talking about someone in here (it's rarely isn't it?). Someone who always text me everyday and everynight. Someone who always makes me smiling everytime i receive the text because he often called me "Miss beautiful" or another words that could make me stopped breathing. Someone who has many experience of his life and never doubt to sharing them with me. Someone who can give me an advice, Someone who always understanding me and willing to listen all of my confide, either it's happy, grumpy, sad, my feeling at that time, and about my experience. Someone who used to tell about his family, his favorite, his friends, his life, and...what else?  

He has something that can make me comfortable: He is a good adviser. He is quite mature. He is an independent guy. He is funny. He is very love talking. And the important: Now, he's not a stranger again for me. He is very different from what i have been think before: he is an arrogant, stubborn, weird, and cold guy. Of course i'm very wrong! Okay maybe in people eyes, he was like that. But just for me, in real life, he wasn't like that.

  

And now, here i am: worrying to him because he doesn't text me. Haisss i'm very sad right now. He suddenly disappeared. I'm feel lonely and need him to talk about something. What's going on with you? Honestly i really want to text him first, but i can't. Doesn't he realize that i'm woman? OMG I suddenly wanna crying. Really i miss you...

Little depressed

Confused with you

Oh fuck i can't sleep again. I don't know why everynight i alwasy like this, whether insom, whether thinking about you, whether thinking the problem with my parents, or another thoughts in my brain that always bothered me, i don't really know what the reason is it. But for now, i guess it because of Nescafe effect. Ya, i had just got one and the taste is not too bad (okay i know i'm tacky), but hey i bought it with my own money hahaha. Oh well just for info, I spend my money for having fun only if i getting stressed like now. Doesn't matter about the price, is important i felt very satisfied after all. So please don't comment anything!!

I'm waiting my parents going to sleep while i keep laying on bed and reading novel. When they're started to do, i get up from bed and then make sure that my parents already entering bedroom hahaha. Yess it's my modus because my dad will be angry if i haven't yet go to sleep on middle night. And now, i successfully doing that modus. I took mom notebook and brought to room. I locked the bedroom door and then started to surfing in cyberspace hahahha XD *Hey dad, hey mom, see...see..your daughter! hahaha what she did at this time?. hahaha LOL. Now, i using your notebook mom. Can you see me dad, mom? hahaha oh ya im forget, you both already sleep. Hahaha Okay have a nice dream then :p bubye*

Well, here i am. Sit in front of notebook and don't even know what topics that i gonna wrote. I don't want to tell you about parents (oh shit, it so bored). Better i tell you about him right now. Yeay H-I-M..
He text me first about two hours ago and as usuall, he asking "Ehm. What are you doing" and actually i want to reply: "I just waiting your text" *slapped*, obviously it wasn't happen. Am i crazy? hahaha. Honestly before he texted me, i just feeling that i miss him very much. I wonder, why he didn't yet texted me? I'm waiting him for a long time. AND SUCKS! i suddenly get sadness during wait his text. I'm trying to keep positive thinking, example: maybe he hasn't pulse, maybe he's busy, maybe he turning off his phone, maybe he bla, maybe he bla...bla bla bla. But shortly afterwards, god hearing my pray, my phone vibrates and when i opened it turns out a text from him. He text me at 19:24, i suddenly very happier. I'm so lucky.

   
But isn't too long, we just talked for a while and after that, he was disappear, didn't know where is he gone :( He hasn't reply my last text. I only get little sad because at least, he text me first on right moment when i really really miss him. Okay i must accept it. Huhuhuhuhuuaaaaa asdlsjlhfhkld. One thing that i always ask with myself, whether i'm the only girl that he text, or there are others too?? Oh my good, i worried guys. It seems like i want to grab his phone and check the inbox one by one. Seeing whose people that he texted. I'm thinking ...only me the person who there's in his inbox. But i realized, he is just my friend. Very stupid if i do it because i don't have rights. (may i called it fallin in love?)

Everytime i got his text, i feel so very very happy (i don't even know) feel different when i received text from another man. My feeling was more happier. But sometimes he makes pissed me off because he reply for a long time. Although we only talking about the same topics like usual, but it doesn't matter for me. (again and again....this is love?). I still don't understand why everytime we meet at school, we never talking by face to face? we were like a strange people. Feel awkward to stared face each other. Feel awkward to say 'hello' or eventhough to smile. Why oh why?...

Damn misterious! until now, i don't have a wishes for being his girlfriend. I don't wanna get hurt when i knowing that he finally with another girl. I don't want get a disappointment in the end. I must be patient and just enjoy this condition. Besides, i don't want him to rush to take action. Just let it flow dude. Okay??   

I getting mad when....

9:10
08/11/2011

Akhirnya!! Akhirnya, aku bisa menulis lagi disini setelah beberapa hari tidak menyentuh laptop karena terdapat faktor 'giliran' yang harus aku terima di rumah. Ya, kalian pasti mengerti maksudku kan? Begitulah rasanya jika kau hanya memiliki satu laptop yang dapat digunakan untuk bersama-sama dengan saudaramu. Oke memang harusnya aku lebih bersyukur karena masih bisa memilikinya, dan....mari kita lupakan masalah ini kawan :)

***

So, here's the story....

There's one boy in my school, he was still junior high school grade 3 but we are in the same building (yeah sekolah kita sama-sama numpang di SD). From beginning i didn't really notice that any handsome man like him, until one day i saw him in the cafeteria with his friends and spontaneously... i fell silent for a while at the place, doesn't budge like an electric shock. I feel like i was seeing a ghost even i didn't hear my friend talking to me at that time. Hahahahaha *LOL* ( i know it's too over, but it's really really happen!! I swear i'm not lying).

Mungkinkah ini yang di maksud dengan Pandangan Pertama? ahhh...

For a moment, i remember lyrics of Bruno Mars songs "Just The Way You Are".

When I see your face, there's not a thing that i would change.

Cause you're amazing, just the way you are.

And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while.

Cause you're amazing, just the way you are. 

And after that, my days became more fun (yaah at least). Suddenly i became excited everytime i going to school. He is my mood booster you know!!. Everyday i always looking for him, hoping i can see him even though just briefly and for a minute. But it was difficult, not easy as I imagined. Perbedaan waktu pulang menjadi penyebabnya. Terkadang doi pulang duluan, terkadang doi istirahat duluan, atau malah gue yang lebih cepat. Kalaupun kita sama-sama lagi istirahat, doi pasti entah dimana sosoknya. Yang gue prediksikan, doi lagi nongkrong di suatu tempat di luar sekolahan bersama teman-temannya. If i could see him, it became a own happines for me. I can be crazy when i saw him, i getting mad and can't control my mind (silly right!) 

Example like yesterday.  When i stepped out from mushola, i've been seeing the children of JHS will going to home. OMG i'm so excited. I went looking for him in the crowded. I asking with my self "Where is he?" "I really really want to see him badly" "please god!" but what the hell??  i get dissapointed because i didn't find him :( 

useless....

little sad....

bad day....

Then...SURPRISED!! tiba tiba aja doi ada di depan gue.  God answered my prayers. How lucky i am?? Ya i see him. I see his face. I see a gorgeous face. He is so adorable oh my goodness!! I can't even. Doi ngeliat gue gitu kayak emang udah tau kalau gue bakal mencarinya. Mata kita sama-sama bertemu untuk beberapa detik. Aw~ gue hampir mati. Tatapan mata si doi ituloh yang membuat gue salah tingkah. Langsung aja buru-buru gue buang muka hahaha. Gue tidak sanggup untuk menatapnya terlalu lama.

But waaiitt...why i'm so stupid? kenapa pas gue mencari-cari doi gue malah gak ngeliat? I'm sure that he wasn't there. But why suddenly he already in front of me? IT MAKES ME AWKWARD heey...i getting mad again. And the most awkward moment is....WHEN WE HAD FACE TO FACE. O M G are you going to kill me slowly?? huh? i'm melted so much. As usually i do everytime seeing him: loncat loncat kegirangan.

Obviously even though I didn't know his name (and still curious until now) but i'm quite happy to be a secret admirrer of him. I hope one day i can know his name. Only as fan okay? I never hope to be his girlfriend. Oh come on guys, I'm 17 years old, that's weird if i loving a guy who 3 years younger than me. Hahaha impossible, right? Teman-teman gue pasti juga gak bakalan setuju. Mereka bakalan cerewet banget kalau soal asmara apalagi kalau ada yang berbeda dengan pemikiran mereka. Yah tapi kalau cuma suka atau mengidolakan gak masalah kan?

Satu satunya teman gue yang tahu tentang hal ini adalah...ehm Bait. Yeah he was knowing that i liked someone in JHS. Gue bilang "It, tetangga sebelah ada yang cakep lho" kemudian dia bertanya "siapa namanya?" I answer "Gak tahu! makanya bantuin gue dong buat cari tahu namanya" wakakakak. Dan Bait pun bersedia membantu meskipun sampai sekarang dia belum mendapatkan jawaban atas pertanyaan gue.

Gue selalu menunggu....menunggu....dan menunggu...
Sebenernya teman-teman cewek gue belum ada yang tahu soal ini. I'm not ready to telling with them karena gue takut di cengin atau mereka bakalan comel. Yah tau sendiri kan mulut cewek sama mulut cowok tuh beda. Cowok tuh jarang ngegosip, sedangkan cewek? makanya gue lebih berani cerita sama Bait dibanding cerita sama mereka. Even my chairmate didn't knowing about it. Biarlah semuanya menjadi rahasia gue, bait, dan Allah.


Next, the reason why i liked him? Not too much karena gue pikir doi bukanlah tipe cowok populer di kelasnya. Doi juga bukan pemain basket atau superstar. Kalau dilihat sepintas mungkin agak mirip mirip si R. Tapi doi mukanya gak Arabian kok. Dengan rambut hitam berombak, postur tubuh yang proposional, sama matanya yang tajam cukup menjadi alasan kenapa gue mengidolakan doi. 

Gue sering memperhatikan doi secara sembunyi-sembunyi ketika berada di luar kelas (yeah i'm a stalker hihihi) dan anehnya doi selalu sadar bahwa dirinya sedang di perhatikan soalnya doi selalu menengok ke arah gue seperti punya indera keenam. Satu ciri khas yang selalu gue ingat dari dirinya yaitu: sweeater hitam putih garis-garis yang sering ia kenakan ketika cuaca mendung. Doi kelihatan adorable ketika memakai itu. Ulalala ^_^


Terkadang yang gue takuti adalah doi punya pemikiran seperti ini "Nih cewek kenapa sih suka ngeliatin gue terus?" (itu pemikiran negatif gue). Sedangkan pemikiran positif gue: Doi juga penasaran sama gue alias suka sama gue. Hahaha. Entah apa yang ada di pikirannya, yang jelas gue selalu senang setiap kali ngeliat doi. Kalau saja gue tahu namanya, mungkin gue bakal langsung menulis namanya secara jelas di twitter, facebook, atau disini. Gak perlu pake doi doi lagi. 

 Untuk sementara ini gue hanya bisa berDoa: semoga Bait secepatnya tau nama doi siapa supaya gue gak penasaran lagi. Semoga suatu hari nanti gue bisa mendengar suaranya seperti apa (honestly i never heard the sounds of him) apakah suaranya ngebass, cempreng, atau kayak cewek kejepit pintu. Semoga gue bisa menjadi temannya di facebook atau mungkin twitter (hanya untuk menjadi TEMAN!), dan semoga teman-teman gue tidak tahu tentang ini. Ameen :)